4 Signs That it’s Time to Walk Away
Does your current job make you want to pull you hair out? Trust me, I've been there. I've felt the irritation, frustration, and anxiety of working in toxic jobs. I've played the should-I-stay-or-should-I-go game that so many of us play in our heads at one point or another.
On the one hand, even though the job is stressful, you are used to it. You've grown comfortable because you know how to do it and you've already invested a lot of time and energy learning it. You've gotten to know the people around you, you know what's expected of you, and you are now just trying to stay afloat. You don't want to disappoint the people around you, and you don't want to feel like a quitter. You have a steady paycheck, healthcare (hopefully), and you know your place in this world. You're in the comfort zone, and that's very hard to leave willingly.
On the other hand, you are completely miserable. Every day feels like a battlefield, and every morning when you put on your work clothes, you feel like you are going out to war. Maybe you feel bored to death and counting down every single minute to freedom. Or perhaps you are more stressed out then ever, glued to an ever-growing list of to-do's, thousands of emails, and other demands that have to get done or else the world will end. Maybe you are frustrated because you invested so much time, energy, and money in a great education only to find yourself in a bullshit job that means absolutely nothing to you. You might find yourself hating every single task that is asked of you, but forced to do it anyway because you need to appear as a good team-player and you don't want to bring others down with your own dissatisfaction. But every single day is a STRUGGLE. Maybe you're feeling depressed and wondering what's the point of all of this. Maybe once upon a time, you thought there was more to life. And now you're not so sure.
If this sounds familiar to you, then I'd say you have found yourself in a toxic job. Now it's time you've reached a crossroads. This is your time for some deep self-reflection. And the longer you go without reflecting, the worse it will get. Because, if you don't do it now, if you insist on pushing yourself even further, then you might end up having a mental breakdown like I did. You owe it to yourself to be honest and dig deep. No one else can do it for you. I want to talk you to about how I knew I had to quit my job, so you can know what signs to watch out for.
Sign #1: My body knew first
Yes, my body was the first to know that something was terribly wrong. You know how they say to trust your gut? Well, in my case, my gut was crying out for help. I developed a hernia in my stomach that can only be fixed with surgery. I had to eliminate coffee, alcohol, chocolate, dairy, spicy foods... all of the things that I loved most, just to try and get some relief. On top of that, my anxiety was through the roof and I started to experience frequent shortness of breath, insomnia, low appetite, and random emotional outbursts. Mostly tears. Toxic jobs can cause many tears. Above all, I knew that I was not showing up at work bringing my best self, and I eventually realized that I deserved to find a place that would allow me to be at my best.
Sign #2: I couldn't stop obsessing
As awful as I felt in previous toxic jobs, I could NOT stop thinking about them. The day-to-day at work consumed my every thought. When I was out with friends, I would be frantically checking work email making sure there was no emergency. When I wasn't glued to my phone, I could not help but vent about work with my friends and family. My own unhappiness got the better of me, and my relationships suffered. I was obsessed with misery and too deep in it to even realize its effect.
Sign #3: My needs were not being met
Perhaps a benefit of being in toxic jobs is that it forced me to become a more effective communicator if I wanted to try and make a change. Eventually, I got to a point of self-reflection when I realized that what I needed from a role and a work environment was not being fulfilled. In fact, multiple times I'd come from from an exhausting day and, determined to pinpoint the source of dissatisfaction, I'd write out a long list of different categories. For example:
1) What tasks and conditions do I currently enjoy from this role? Why?
2) What tasks and conditions do I not enjoy from this role? Why?
3) What are the tasks and resources that I would need in a job to feel useful and fulfilled?
After this exercise, I gained enough reasons and clarity to be able to come up with some alternative solutions to improve my day-to-day at work. I even brainstormed specific projects that I'd be willing to take on at work in order to satisfy some of my own needs. In one of my jobs, I realized that my need for relationship-building and communication was not being fulfilled. So I proposed a project that would allow me to engage with other departments to promote the initiatives of my team and build external partnerships. I wrote it all out and had an in-depth meeting with my boss. While compassionate and receptive to my ideas, it also became clear that, given the extreme workflow of the department and the behind-the-scenes nature of my role, none of these changes would realistically be able to happen anytime soon. And I had to accept the current circumstances.
Sign #4: My strengths were not being used
Lastly, when I took the time to reflect on what my natural abilities are, my strengths, I gained so much clarity about why I was feeling dissatisfied in previous jobs. Think about it — when you are using one of your innate talents, something that has always come naturally to you, doesn't it feel good? Isn't it a nice feeling to be able to do something you are good at, that takes relatively little effort, and doesn't need to be studied? But this wasn't the case for me in toxic jobs. In those environments, although I was able to do all of the tasks asked of me, everything I did left me feeling extremely drained and burned out. These were tasks that felt like a STRUGGLE every day because they did not come naturally to me, and I had to work so much harder just to keep up. And the more that were piled on, the worse I felt.
Well, there you have it. A snapshot of my experience in toxic jobs and the signs that made it clear it was time for me to quit. If you are currently going through something similar, I'd love to hear from you. There is no shame in leaving something that no longer serves you. In fact, it is an incredible sign of strength to be able to walk away from toxicity.
